Being married comes with it’s challenges. And if you’ve had a difficult time transitioning to wifehood, or have struggled with being the wife you want to be (or the wife you’ve always dreamed you’d be), you’re in good company.
We want to be good wives and have good marriages, but sometimes, things don’t come as naturally as we thought they would. And you know what? That’s okay because of 2 things:
1. Some things just come with time.
2. We don’t have to be perfect, or be the exact picture of who we thought we’d be, in order to love our husbands well.
But by doing a little bit of self-reflection and by making some adjustments, we can definitely work towards being the best versions of ourselves, and show up that way in our marriages.
These are the things that I started paying more attention to and doing in my own marriage, that I feel have made me a better wife and has strengthened my relationship.
Here are 6 ways to start being the kind of wife that you want to be.
1. Pray for your marriage
I’ve always been someone who prays, but I didn’t understand the power of praying for your marriage, until I actually started doing it. And let me just tell you, it’s been a game changer.
Praying consistently for your marriage, is one of the best things that you can do for it. Prayer is what will carry you through the toughest of seasons.
And I’m not just talking about the routine type of prayers that we pray. The ones like Lord please bless us, protect us. I’m talking about going deep, and praying for specific things like patience and compassion and understanding. Or asking God to help you to show love towards your husband when you feel like he’s being difficult to love.
Prayer really does change things. And it’s so amazing to just watch God work on your behalf and mend and change things that you couldn’t do by yourself.
2. Show Appreciation
It’s easy to get used to a person. To get so comfortable that you stop noticing the little things that they do for you. It’s easy to stop cherishing the small things like you once did during the dating phase. It seems like it’s even easier to notice all of the things that you feel your spouse isn’t doing, and put focus on those things instead.
But showing appreciation is so important.
And it doesn’t matter how long you’ve been married. Your spouse will always want to feel appreciated. He’ll want to know that what he does counts and matters to you.
So, thank him. Even for the small, routine things. For helping to bring in the groceries, for washing your car, for making dinner, or cutting the grass.
Let him know you appreciate him and everything he does for you and your family. And do it often.
3. Be intentional
I used to have the wrong perception when it came to marriage. I used to think that good couples got along and enjoyed their marriages without putting in much effort at all.
So, when the good times weren’t rolling and the romance was lacking, I thought something was wrong. And it was. The problem is that we weren’t putting in any effort to create those things. We were kind of just living out our day-to-day routines and not being intentional with one another. That spark that we once had, seemed to have faded because we were no longer doing the things that we did when we were dating that kept our relationship thriving.
We have some control over creating the kind of marriages that we want to have.
But in order to do that, we have to be intentional.
And you can do this in so many ways. By doing nice things for your husband, or showing affection. Or by being fully present when you two are together and talking, without your phone as a distraction. You can also let him know you’re thinking about him when you two are apart.
Successful marriages take effort. And if we want happy, healthy, and loving marriages, we have to do the things that set that atmosphere.
4. Take responsibility for you
Hold yourself accountable for the things that you say. For the things that you do and don’t do, and acknowledge the role that you’re playing in the relationship.
Are you making it better? Are you encouraging and supportive? Do you complain more than you appreciate? Are you being the kind of spouse that you want your husband to be?
These are the kinds of questions I had to start asking myself in my own marriage. I had to start holding myself accountable, and realize that my words and actions affect my relationship just as much as my husband’s does.
So don’t be too afraid or too proud to apologize when you’re wrong. And don’t be so quick to say something to your husband that you know would hurt your feelings if he said it to you.
Start taking notice of the kind of contribution you are making in your marriage, and strive to be the kind of spouse that you want your husband to be for you.
5. Show him grace
No one is perfect.
We may go through periods where we feel like our husbands aren’t doing enough or showing up like we want them to. And it’s fine to let them know when we need more of their time and attention. But we also need to show them grace, and not sweat the small stuff.
This means not calling them out for every little thing we disagree with or dislike. And it also means being forgiving and not holding on to things.
At the end of the day, people want to feel free to be themselves. And they also want to feel like the things that they do and efforts they do make, are appreciated.
6. Be his biggest supporter
Encourage your husband. And make sure that he knows that even with all the chaos and stressors in life, he’s got you to depend on. That you’re a team and that you’ve got his back.
And pray for him. For his strength, for his dreams, for his days filled with worry and responsibility.
Life is hard. But it never feels as hard when you know that you have someone routing for you and in your corner. So make sure that he knows that he has you.
I don’t know what the status of your marriage is, but if it’s not where you want it to be, just know that it can be. With time.
We’re all growing and learning every day. Learning more about ourselves and our spouses.
And as we continue to pray, grow and put in effort to be intentional with our husbands, we’ll look more and more like the wives we want to be. The ones we were destined to be.
So hang in there. And don’t be too hard on yourself. Because you’ll get there. In time.