Our inner critics can be the worst sometimes. All they seem to do is point out all of our flaws and make us feel even worse about things that we’re already struggling with.
Everyone has an inner critic, but not everyone has an inner mom critic, and sometimes that critic can feel 100x worse.
As moms we can often hear that nagging inner critic telling us that we’re not doing a good enough job or that we’re failing our kids, or should be enjoying motherhood more. To our inner mom critic, it seems that we’re never doing enough, which almost always makes us feel like we’re bad moms. And it’s awful when you feel like you’re doing the best that you can, but your best isn’t good enough.
Your best is enough. And I’d like to share with you a few things you can do to help silence your inner mom critic when those negative thoughts start to pull you down.
Write Out How You’re Feeling
Grab a pen and your journal and let it all out. Be vulnerable and honest. Write out how you’ve been feeling, and what’s got you overwhelmed and why. If you’ve been feeling like a bad mom, write that down too. Write down everything you’ve been carrying and maybe keeping to yourself and trying to carry quietly. When you’re finished writing, read back everything you just wrote. Then read it again, but this time, imagine if it were your friend who shared this with you. It’d be pretty difficult to not have compassion for a friend who was feeling what you’re feeling. So, turn around and have that compassion for yourself.
I did this little exercise just a few weeks ago and after reading what I wrote, I immediately wanted to give myself a hug.
You’re carrying a lot, so show yourself some grace.
Keep a running list of what you’re doing on the daily
Take a few days (or longer if you like) to start really taking notice of all of the things you’re doing as a mom on a daily basis, (even the things that seem simple and basic).
For example you’re running list could look like this:
I made the kids breakfast
I scheduled my daughter’s doctor’s appointment
I did the laundry
I sat and watched the kids’ favorite movie with them
I took the kids to the park
I bought new clothes for my son who’s outgrowing everything
I talked to my daughter about the trouble she’s been having at school
I read my daughter a bedtime story
You’re doing a lot
Sometimes we get so focused on the things that we’re struggling with or what we feel that we’re lacking, that we don’t realize that every day we’re doing a million and one things for our children. We don’t give ourselves enough credit for all that we do. And you could say that the simple things are things that we should be doing anyway as moms, and to some degree, you’re right. But that doesn’t mean that you can’t be proud of what you do for your kids. Everything counts. Every breakfast made, every story read, every movie night, trip to the park, or casual conversation. It all matters.
When you intentionally take notice of the things that you’re doing and the many hats that you wear, you’re able to see more of the positives. And you’re able to see that even though it gets challenging, and you may not always have all the answers or know how to navigate every single situation, you’re navigating so much on a daily basis.
Related Post: You Don’t Have to Be a Perfect Mom to Be a Good Mom
Reach out to mom friends that you trust
It’s so reassuring and comforting to know that you’ve got people in the trenches with you. People you can vent to and share your worries and concerns. People who will pray for you, encourage you, or just be a listening ear.
I know it may be hard to share your struggles sometimes, simply because you don’t want to feel judged or feel like you’re not keeping it together as a mom. But I can assure you that if you have mom friends, even though they may not be going through the exact same things that you are in your current season of motherhood, they’re still facing challenges of their own.
So if you have a mom friend who you can confide in, and who you know won’t be “that mom” who pretends to have it all together and is quick to criticize, reach out to her.
Moms need community, and you can support and encourage one another.
Find online mom communities
If you could use even more support, or maybe if you don’t have mom friends in your circle right now, the next best thing is finding online mom communities.
When I was pregnant with my first, and everything was new, and I felt so overwhelmed and in over my head, online mom communities were my saving grace. Back then I was a part of a birth month group at babycenter.com. It was so nice to know that other moms were experiencing the same things that I was. It was also reassuring to know that they had some of the same questions and doubts that I did. Instead of crying, (although I did still cry sometimes. Being a first time mom is no joke!) I could laugh about some of those struggles with these other women.
When I had my second, I joined a group at whattoexpect.com. And it was the same experience.
I currently have an account on the peanut app where you can find and connect with moms in your area who have children your age. They also have chats and forums where you can share, ask questions, or join in on other conversations.
There are also facebook groups that you can join full of moms who are there to connect and share.
You’re also welcome to join my online community here at A Mom’s Everyday Journey. I can be dropping by your inbox on the regular with encouragement, tips, support, resources, and a listening ear.
Finding people who GET It, and who are willing to listen and share can make a world of a difference.
Pray about it
As I walk this motherhood journey, I’m realizing more and more that we’re not meant to do this on our own. We were blessed with our children, so who better to reach out to and lean on, than the One who blessed us with them. He knows us and our children better than we do, and He knows what we need. So take every worry, every concern, every doubt and insecurity, and every struggle to God in prayer, regularly. This takes some of that pressure off from feeling like you have to have it all figured out. And it invites God to help you lead your family and raise your children. It’s a win win!
Don’t let your inner mom critic lead you to believe that you’re not a good mom. You are doing amazing by showing up every day, giving it all you’ve got, and loving your kids the way you do.
You’re a great mom, mama.
Sending you a virtual hug ❤️
And if you’re interested in joining the community here, you can do so by filling out the form below and hitting subscribe. I’d be so happy to have you and be a part of your support system!
